Divorce can sweep through your life like a hurricane and leave only devastation and loss in its wake. Nothing about it is easy and smooth, no matter how amicable the separation is. The experience is always going to be hurtful and shattering to your confidence and your self-esteem. Whether you’re going through a divorce or helping someone who is, you need to keep some things in mind.
Divorce is always the last resort
Questions like ‘Why don’t you try couple’s counseling?’, ‘Why don’t you just talk to each other?’ ‘Why aren’t you thinking about your kids?’ will always haunt those who’re contemplating or going through divorce. There are many people out there who’ll always feel you haven’t worked hard enough, or tried strongly enough to save your marriage. However, the fact of the matter is that no one thinks about divorce, not until it they’ve exhausted all options and there’s no other recourse.
Marriage is a partnership and it takes two to save it
It takes two to build, sustain and save any relationship, especially marriage. One person can’t save a marriage; both spouses need to commit and work together and even then, sometimes the situation isn’t salvable. No matter how hard a single person tries, if their partner is unwilling to see the marriage through, divorce is the only option.
Family doesn’t end with divorce
Divorce on its own can be messy and stressful but if children are involved, it is even more so. After divorce, there is still that one tie tying you to your spouse. You have to deal with custody, raising children, coming together to make major decisions, etc. That connection is still going to bring you pain, stress and make you feel resentful for a long time.
Divorce is chaotic
There is nothing smooth-sailing and easy about a divorce. It is going to rattle you, make you stubborn, hurtful and immature. It is going to keep you awake at nights and just take over your life. The smallest thing will make you angry and frustrated. At times, you’ll feel immense relief and at times, you’ll just feel hollow. But you won’t be fine unless you make an effort to be.
But you will be fine in the end
Believe it or not, if you reached a point where you willingly decide to endure the pain of divorce, it is something that needs to happen. It is agonizing but it is also like cutting off a diseased limb- necessary and liberating.